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--- tasks:zoht [2018/08/10 09:24] – inari
+++ tasks:zoht [2021/07/30 13:51] (current) – external edit 127.0.0.1
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+<file>
+Basic Moves:
+Attack: 7-9 shouldn't come before 10.
+<IN: FIXED>
+Upkeep: I maintain that "default-1" doesn't work well with the time scales we
+implemented, since -1 changes it from "a single test" to "right now". And if it
+lasts a whole combat, there's no point to extending it to a single test
+(already included in the combat). The way we manage time doesn't make this move
+ever useful. Also, extending it to default-1 seems strictly inferior to just...
+recasting it.
+My most reasonable reading of this is basically just "recast the spell, but it
+doesn't consume your action for the turn."
+<IN: UPKEEP REMOVED. WILL REPLACE WITH RECAST IF NECESSARY.>
+Interfere: -2 to the roll or its outcome. (What does -2 to an outcome mean? In
+combat I can see it being damage, but I'm not sure I'm seeing where else it
+could be used.)
+Re: Lust: I still think that "including" is ambiguous enough that someone might
+get confused. The addition of the damage and the consumption of the lust
+debility should be a little more explicit, and I'm confident in that advice so
+I'm giving it twice.
+Service: Can this be used outside of combat? I had a player try to lick
+someone's wounds, uh, sensually. I allowed them to take the action but not the
+roll. Could just be GM choice, but could be clarified. /shrug
+</file>
 <file>
 General Notes:
-Which format you choose for rolls doesn't actually matter, they should just be consistent. "Roll+Wits" "Roll +Wits"
+Which format you choose for rolls doesn't actually matter, they should just be
+consistent. "Roll+Wits" "Roll +Wits"
 Roll+ Wits" "Roll + Wits". All valid. I prefer the first, actually.
 Replace all " +" and "+ " with "+" a couple times if you concur!
+<IN: TODO: SOME ENTRIES FIXED BUT NOT ALL>
-Lust is a linked word on the last couple things, but not elsewhere. Do you want this wiki style? Because if so, nearly every explanation is going to need at least a couple links. Otherwise, turn the Tease text to plaintext.
+Lust is a linked word on the last couple things, but not elsewhere. Do you want
+this wiki style? Because if so, nearly every explanation is going to need at
+least a couple links. Otherwise, turn the Tease text to plaintext.
@@ Line 19: / Line 57: @@
 - rolls may include a GM penalty unless otherwise explicitly stated.
 (GM is not obligated to make a hard move, although they are certainly able to.)
+<IN: FIXED>
 Basic Moves:
 Attack:
-"Swing your weapon" is actually really specific. "Make a melee attack" is probably more what we want.
+"Swing your weapon" is actually really specific. "Make a melee attack" is
-Medium/Slow has no :. Fast has a :. Doesn't matter which we choose, I suggest : for parsing clarity.
+probably more what we want.
-"Either" is different language than PbtA usually uses, and than we use elsewhere. "Choose one:" is more typical.
+Medium/Slow has no :. Fast has a :. Doesn't matter which we choose, I suggest :
+for parsing clarity.
+"Either" is different language than PbtA usually uses, and than we use
+elsewhere. "Choose one:" is more typical.
+<IN: FIXED>
 Volley:
-Avoid a direct counter-attack (unless in melee range) - What does this mean? Does this mean you cannot choose this option in melee range? Can you not volley in melee range?
+Avoid a direct counter-attack (unless in melee range) - What does this mean?
-Volley's equivalence to Attack in moves makes me nervous as a systems analyst, but I'll have to revisit this later with specific concerns.
+Does this mean you cannot choose this option in melee range? Can you not volley
+in melee range?
+Volley's equivalence to Attack in moves makes me nervous as a systems analyst,
+but I'll have to revisit this later with specific concerns.
+<IN: FUNCTIONS AS INTENDED :D>
 Block:
 Third option: +1 to their next roll should probably be +1 Forward
+<IN: FIXED>
 Defy Danger:
-Defy Danger can be used when you want to do something that's not covered by another. Such as pull a lever, or trip an enemy.
+Defy Danger can be used when you want to do something that's not covered by
-Defy Danger can be used when you want to do something that's not covered by another move, such as pull a lever, or trip an enemy.
+another. Such as pull a lever, or trip an enemy.
+Defy Danger can be used when you want to do something that's not covered by
+another move, such as pull a lever, or trip an enemy.
+<IN: FIXED>
 Basic Magic:
-I have general issues with how this is laid out, but that's because I'm trying to read it like a tutorial more than a glossary. I'm imagining someone going "how does magic work? Let's look at the moves," and that's a Bad Call. Maybe a header about how they should read "Magic" to learn about how that works rather than reading moves?
+I have general issues with how this is laid out, but that's because I'm trying
+to read it like a tutorial more than a glossary. I'm imagining someone going
+"how does magic work? Let's look at the moves," and that's a Bad Call. Maybe a
+header about how they should read "Magic" to learn about how that works rather
+than reading moves?
 Cast:
 "enscolled" should be "enscrolled", I think?
+<IN: FIXED>
 Enscrollment:
-Could use better language around spell schools, they're implied. Drawing from melee attack layout:
+Could use better language around spell schools, they're implied. Drawing from
+melee attack layout:
 Common Spells: Roll + Stat.
 Technical Spells: Roll + Speed.
 Creation Spells: Roll + Charm.
 Destruction/Natural Spells: Roll + Wits.
+<IN: FIXED>
-"uses this turn" is kind of vague. "spell is cast this turn" is better. "Spell is cast immediately" is a little clearer imho.
+"uses this turn" is kind of vague. "spell is cast this turn" is better. "Spell
-Unless I've misinterpreted this and what that means is "your entire turn is spent enscrolling."
+is cast immediately" is a little clearer imho.
+Unless I've misinterpreted this and what that means is "your entire turn is
+spent enscrolling."
+<IN: FIXED>
 Two combat turns or five minutes feels WILDLY disparate.
+<IN: FIXED>
-"No roll is required" is written right under the outcome of your roll. Leftover, or was that meant to refer specifically to the act of enscrolling the weapon rather than using it? And if so, why is it included in the description of cast?
+"No roll is required" is written right under the outcome of your roll.
+Leftover, or was that meant to refer specifically to the act of enscrolling the
+weapon rather than using it? And if so, why is it included in the description
+of cast?
+<IN: FIXED>
 Upkeep:
@@ Line 69: / Line 131: @@
 Destruction/Natural Spells: Roll + Wits.
-This whole area about duration is ... iffy, given the way we decided to lay out time. There isn't a ton of space between "this lasts one move" and "this lasts all combat," because turns are problematic concepts.
+This whole area about duration is ... iffy, given the way we decided to lay out
+time. There isn't a ton of space between "this lasts one move" and "this lasts
+all combat," because turns are problematic concepts.
+<IN: FIXED - UPKEEP REMOVED>
 Basic Environment:
-I suggest putting Spout Lore and Discern Realities next to each other, and clarifying the difference between them. Namely, that one is about perceiving things around you and one is about recalling things you know. Obviously, investigations and such can be a fusion of the two and picking one can get blurry, but it's a rule of thumb.
+I suggest putting Spout Lore and Discern Realities next to each other, and
+clarifying the difference between them. Namely, that one is about perceiving
+things around you and one is about recalling things you know. Obviously,
+investigations and such can be a fusion of the two and picking one can get
+blurry, but it's a rule of thumb.
 Take a Rest:
-The way your phrase roll is really, really awkward. Also, do we want resting to be a move? A move always carries the consequence of failure, which... I suppose is dramatic, but feels kind of... eh. Not articulate at this hour, but it feels like a thing I would abstract away.
+The way your phrase roll is really, really awkward. Also, do we want resting to
+be a move? A move always carries the consequence of failure, which... I suppose
+is dramatic, but feels kind of... eh. Not articulate at this hour, but it feels
+like a thing I would abstract away.
+<IN: FIXED?>
 Discern Realities:
-This is the only basic move with perks listed on the page. They should either go elsewhere or be indented or something; they appear to be a whole new section at first glance.
+This is the only basic move with perks listed on the page. They should either
-Phrasing of asking questions should be "Choose three:" It's ... honestly slightly less clear, but consistent?
+go elsewhere or be indented or something; they appear to be a whole new section
+at first glance.
+Phrasing of asking questions should be "Choose three:" It's ... honestly
+slightly less clear, but consistent?
 Basic Social:
-Aid doesn't seem like it belongs here. Helping is a relational thing, I get, but it's often used in very non-social situations by players. I might just move this up to Basic Moves.
+Aid doesn't seem like it belongs here. Helping is a relational thing, I get,
+but it's often used in very non-social situations by players. I might just move
+this up to Basic Moves.
+<FIXED: MOVED TO INTERJECTIONS>
 Hustle and Bustle:
 "You will need to wait or travel" - if it has an "or", it's probably two things.
-"You will draw unwanted attention or let others know." - Although this one seems pretty much fine, since those are the same consequence said differently.
+<IN: EXPLICIT BINARY OR>
+"You will draw unwanted attention or let others know." - Although this one
+seems pretty much fine, since those are the same consequence said differently.
+<IN: FIXED>
 Interfere:
@@ Line 95: / Line 178: @@
 Negotiate:
-"The GM will tell you if the creature can be reasoned with for that intent." - "The GM will tell you if the creature is open to that topic of negotation." (Soft suggestion, awkward.)
+"The GM will tell you if the creature can be reasoned with for that intent." -
+"The GM will tell you if the creature is open to that topic of negotation."
+(Soft suggestion, awkward.)
 If so: "brief" not "breif".
-The section on rolling is REALLY weird. Unique, so far. The GM sets a target range for the player to achieve, and marks a hit or miss. This feels VERY d20, and not very PbtA. I strongly suggest reconsidering this section and making it match everything else in terms of 7-9 consequence and 10+ success. The only reason not to is because you're afraid of having persuasive players talk their way out of every situation, which is what they're for.
+The section on rolling is REALLY weird. Unique, so far. The GM sets a target
+range for the player to achieve, and marks a hit or miss. This feels VERY d20,
+and not very PbtA. I strongly suggest reconsidering this section and making it
+match everything else in terms of 7-9 consequence and 10+ success. The only
+reason not to is because you're afraid of having persuasive players talk their
+way out of every situation, which is what they're for.
+<IN: FIXED: CHANGED LANGUAGE>
 Parley:
-Seems like Negotiate-lite. Or vice versa. I'm grumbly about these being two moves, and if there's a distinct difference between them, clarifying it may be worthwhile.
+Seems like Negotiate-lite. Or vice versa. I'm grumbly about these being two
+moves, and if there's a distinct difference between them, clarifying it may be
+worthwhile.
+<IN: FIXED: DISAMBIGUATED USE CASES>
 Basic Sexual:
-I have confusion here on the terms used. Take It implies being a bottom, but the description is really vague. Give It's description will /always/ satisfy Take It's description too. I feel like the dynamics at play here need some work, but that's a non-trivial editorial.
+I have confusion here on the terms used. Take It implies being a bottom, but
+the description is really vague. Give It's description will /always/ satisfy
+Take It's description too. I feel like the dynamics at play here need some
+work, but that's a non-trivial editorial.
 Is unarmed damage still what we use for these?
@@ Line 112: / Line 208: @@
 -9 option has a comma after the first colon.
 Sexual attack in the first option shouldn't be capitalized.
-Second option: "Avoid taking any additional debilities" would be prudent phrasing.
+Second option: "Avoid taking any additional debilities" would be prudent
-I think we need a specific phrase regarding the consumption of Lust, and whatever it is, it should be used in place of "Lust damage included," which is kind of awkward. "Trigger lust damage," "consume lust," "burn lust," even just ", and add their Lust damage modifier."
+phrasing.
+I think we need a specific phrase regarding the consumption of Lust, and
+whatever it is, it should be used in place of "Lust damage included," which is
+kind of awkward. "Trigger lust damage," "consume lust," "burn lust," even just
+", and add their Lust damage modifier."
 ALL LOWER MOVES:
@@ Line 120: / Line 220: @@
 Role Reversal:
 Missing . at the end of the description.
-"Sexual assault" should be "sexual attack". Setting aside that one of those things is a crime, it's inconsistent phrasing. We refer to them as attacks elsewhere.
+"Sexual assault" should be "sexual attack". Setting aside that one of those
+things is a crime, it's inconsistent phrasing. We refer to them as attacks
+elsewhere.
+<IN: FIXED-ISH>
 Give It:
 -: Suffer a consequence and choose one:
 Lust phrasing (see above)
-"Maintain the Lust held against the target." feels kind of non-sequitur. It relies necessarily on your having chosen an earlier option, and is otherwise never relevant. If nothing else, we should include that notion in there, something like "Maintain the Lust held against the target after doing your unarmed damage."
+"Maintain the Lust held against the target." feels kind of non-sequitur. It
+relies necessarily on your having chosen an earlier option, and is otherwise
+never relevant. If nothing else, we should include that notion in there,
+something like "Maintain the Lust held against the target after doing your
+unarmed damage."
 Service:
 Rephrase.
-+: Remove a debility of your choice and all Lust from the person you are servicing and choose one:
++: Remove a debility of your choice and all Lust from the person you are
+servicing and choose one:
 -9: Remove all Lust from the person you are servicing and choose one:
-(If you have three choices and two of them are "remove a debility," you don't actually have three choices.)
+(If you have three choices and two of them are "remove a debility," you don't
+actually have three choices.)
+<IN: FIXED>
 Tease:
-This isn't editorial, but I like the idea that if you get 9-, you might arouse someone you don't intend to. >D I guess that's a 6- oh well you're at the end of the document you just have to read all these words now bla bla bla.
+This isn't editorial, but I like the idea that if you get 9-, you might arouse
+someone you don't intend to. >D I guess that's a 6- oh well you're at the end
+of the document you just have to read all these words now bla bla bla.
+<IN: FIXED: IMPLEMENTED ACCIDENTAL TARGETING>
 </file>